Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle
by Mashu the Assassin
Summary: A lot of wizards who have gone to Hogwarts do not know one thing about muggles. There are a few muggles, dangerous and fascinating, who have found themselves inside the walls of Hogwarts. This is who they were, what they did, and what happened.
1. Holden Caulfield

_Hello, everyone! Wow, so this is the Harry Potter section. The most croweded are of . If I want to make it in here, I have my work cut out for me, First things first. I' m going to explain this fic. All of the characters featured in this fic have two things in the common. 1: They are dangerous. 2: they are muggles. These people all have somehow gone into Hogwarts at one time or another, this fic explains what they did their. Did they teach? Raise hell? Inspire anyone? Read and find out._

**Confessions of A Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 1: Holden Caufield.**

Percy Weasley realized from the moment he met Holden Caulfield that he was dangerous**. **The first thing he could discover was that Holden was a muggle**. **It was impossible for him to enter Hogwarts, to see the ghosts, to witness magic! Yet he saw it all. Another unusual thing was that magic didn't work on him. He had a strange immunity to it. They had cast Memory Charms, Disarming Spells, anything below an unforgivable curse didn't work! (That's what they thought, anyway.)

Holden had red hair that was both darker and longer than his own hair. Instead of the wizards robes he wore nothing but gray, white and black. Gray sweater, white shoes, black pants. His gray eyes swallowed the light of the candles when he looked around. Percy was giving him a quick tour of the building, just out of kindness and orders.

"_Percy?" Dunbledore said as he entered his office. Percy was taken aback to find a man sitting on one of the chairs. "This is Holden Caulfield_, _would you please give him a tour?" Percy stammered a little. "Uh, excuse me, Headmaster, but may I speak to you privately on this?_" _Dumbledore and Percy moved out of Holden's earshot. "Headmaster, WHAT IS A MUGGLE DOING HERE?" _

"_Percy, Holden is not a normal muggle." Albus said calmly. "We tried Memory Charms on him. But they didn't do anything. Holden is dangerous, but he means no harm to us. Give him a tour."_

_Percy paused_ _"but what IS he?" Dumbledore paused. "Special."_

"Thanks for giving me a tour and all." Holden said as they were climbing down the stairs.

"Real nice of the dean you got here." Percy nodded, trying to understand Holden's unusual slang. "When I first found this place, I thought it was nothing but a hideout for flits! What with all your robes and wands, and the kids! What would you all do with them? Actually, I don't want to know."

As they passed down to the great hall, Holden accidently bumped into Derek Keaton, a particularly nasty Slytherin student and one of the new prefects. "Watch where you're going!" Derek said. He took a look at Holden. "What on Earth? Weasley, what's a muggle doing here?" Holden's eyes narrowed. "What did you call me?"

Derek looked more smug than ever. "Weasley's are muggle lovers, but SNEAKING one in here? I don't believe it!" he started waving his hand in front of Holden's eyes. "Hey, you! Can you see me? Or am I too magic for you?" Holden said nothing, his fists tightening. "I'm so telling the headmaster! Who knows, maybe I'll be promoted to Head Boy!"

Derek spun on one heel and started walking back when Holden spoke up. "Hey, flit, get back here." Derked spun around, Holden was walking towards him. "What did you call me?"

"A flit, a gay, a homo, and much much more, flit." Derek lunged twoards Holden. Percy winced as Holden lunged towards the larger boy.

Now let's take a moment to explain muggle and wizard fitness. Wizards, long used to magic. Have gotten lax in the matters of hard labor. They're either naturally strong to an extent, or out of shape. Sometimes they use Muscle Growth charms, which only makes them LOOK stronger. Derek here was a rather bug fan of this charm, and used it often.

Derek had the shock of his life when Holden grabbed his head and slammed it down on the floor Holden than started kicking him, pausing to slam his head on the floor a couple of times. "Now, you may be able to make sparks fly out of a stick," Holden said as he pummeled Derek. "But I have an advantage! I'm older! I'm smarter! I'm wiser! I'm stronger! YOU LOSE YOU PATHETIC IDIOT! YOU LOSE!"

Holden let go of Derek, tears and blood staining his tears. "I'm finished." Holden said as he walked out the door. "Take good care, Percy!" As some second year Slytherins rushed to carry Derek to the hospital, Percy sat on a chair, thinking about the events that had transpired. Derek seemed to be significantly stronger than Holden, but was beaten to a pulp. Holden was immune to magic, and yet he acknowledged it's existence. Percy realized Dumbledore was right. Holden was special. But he wasn't just special.

He was dangerous.

_There's the first chapter! Rieview please! Also, if you have any recommendations for dangerous muggles, send them in! I have NO female characters._

_Holden Caulfield Is from __The Catcher In The Rye._

_Next: Howard Beale._


	2. Howard Beale

_Man, You people update WAY too fast!_

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 2: Howard Beale.**

Hermonie had this strange feeling that the new Muggle Studies teacher was a little unusual. His name was Howard Beale, and he wasn't European. He wore a suit and tie like her father did, and he taught the class like a current events class. Being Head Girl could be so BORING sometimes.

Oh yes, she had Harry, Ron and herself re-enrolled. Harry lost the Head Boy position to a student no one had noticed, a boy by the name of Noel Kongo. Harry had actually not wanted to go back, he felt there was too much to do still. Ron muttered something about "All the time to sleep, LOST!" she had finished all her course work before leaving, but decided that she'd stick around to make sure there wasn't any misbehaving. She came to Muggle Studies most of the time to study Mr. Beale, she had heard that he was a Muggle.

One day , Mr. Beale came into the great hall, sat down, and took out a microphone. "Hello everyone." He said. "Today, I just receive a letter from the Ministry of Magic, they have told me that I am to be fired in two weeks for being a Muggle." The hall burst into discord, muttering along the lines of, "How did he get in?"

"Must be a squib."

"I knew he was strange, he wasn't affected by the Dementors when they came to haul off the Carrows!"

McGonagall silenced the hall with a Calming Spell. Howard continued. "Sadly, this job was the only thing that was making me keep going. So I'm going to kill myself in one week."

Chaos erupted.

McGonagall knew she wasn't as good a Headmaster as Dumbledore or Snape, but she would not let professor Beale kill himself like that. She tried to talk him down. "Howard, please! You have no reason to die! Listen, I'm calling the suicide down, I want you to go to the hall in one week and say a REAL goodbye to yor students, they liked you." she said. "Yes," Howard said. "I suppose you're right."

Howard did not listen. Instead, Howard gave a speech on the meaningless of life. She had to admit that Howard did have Charisma. The next day, a man form the ministry arrived. "Mrs, McGonagall, I'm here to address your concerns about Professor Beale. We have discovered that he has made the school enormously popular with his rants, so we are going to keep him."

:I don't believe it." McGonagall said. "You'd have a sick man become even worse for a few more Galleons?"

"He's not THAT bad."

But he was bad. Soon, swarms of people came to hear Howard's rants, the school was incredibly profitable. Then something happened. Howard fell into a depression, his speeches were still very good, but people began to leave. One day, as Howard began to make his daily speech, a wizard shot a Killing Curse at him.

As the Hogwarts faculty attended Howard's funeral, McGonagall wondered on how Howard was able to control (according to the Ministry.) 62 million wizards with his speeches! How was he immune to magic? How could he witness it? McGonagall knew only one thing about Muggles like Howard Beale.

They were Dangerous.

_That's the next chapter! Review, and send in some Dangerous Muggles!_

_Next chapter: Anton Chirugh._

_Howard Beale is from NETWORK._


	3. Anton Chirugh

_I can't keep up with you people, and still none of you review!_

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 3: Anton Chriugh. **

Slewyn walked calmly through the halls of Hogwarts. It felt great, to be in public, not to be the blame of anything, he could roam the streets, killing Mudbloods and squibs and muggles. He was here on buisness, acting as a courier to Voldemort to give the Carrows a message. The only people who were in the halls were him a passing Hufflepuff. Than he heard it.

Clunk! ..... Clunk! ...... Clunk! ...... Clunk! ......

A man who seemed to look like he was from Spain came down the corridor.His hair was in the shape of a helmet, hanging ever near his flat face, he wore muggle clothing, and had very hick shoes. He seemed to be carrying a silver cylinder wit ha long hose attached to it.

Slewyngrabbed the Hufflepuff student. "Hey!" he said. "Who's the freak?" The boy paled. "That's Mr. Chriugh!" He said."Headmaster Snape brought him in sometime during Christmas! They think he's already killed tow students!" The Hufflepuff boy broke from Slewyn's grip and dashed off.

Slewyn waited as Chirugh came. "You there, Chirguh!" he said. "What are you doing here?" Chirugh didn't answer. "Where is your wand?" Chirguh raised an eyebrow. "I have business, you know! I have a message for the Carrows personally from the Dark Lord!"

Chirugh started laughing, his voice sounded like mixing gravel. He pulled out a Galleon and flipped it in the iar, he brought it down. "What's the most," he said "you ever lost in a coin toss?" Slewyn was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Call it."

"What do I gain?"

"Everything. So call it, Friend-oh"

Slewyn hesitated, then sighed. "Tails." he said. Chriugh opened his hand, it was Heads.

Chirugh put the metal tube to Slewyn's head. "Tell your Dark Lord this: There's such a thing as a person who is just born evil, and it's not him."

Pshunk!

Slewyn fell to the floor, dead, a tiny bit of blood fizzling in the center of his skull. Chirugh smiled and walked off.

Clunk!.... Clunk!..... Clunk!.... Clunk!.... Clunk!.....

_That's all._

_Next: Lafiette_

_Anton Chirugh is from No Country for Old Men._


	4. Lafiete

_3 chapters and one review. Not so bad by usual standards. But I'm afraid a lot of the Harry Potter section is tripe._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 4: Lafiete**

Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!

Lafiete tapped down the halls of Hogwarts. His shoes making the tap he so very much loved.

Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!

He kept tapping, and analyzed what do.

'_Hmm, this is tricky. I found this abandoned building, and no one is bothering me, but for how long?_

Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!

He was going so fast he didn't even notice when he ran into one Godric Gryffindor.

CRASH!

"Hey!" Godric said as he picked himself and Lafiete_ off the ground. _"Who are you?"

Lafiete stammered. "I'm Lafiete." he said. "I'm just looking for a placeto stay until it gets warmer. Now, Godric was a nice guy, so he said. "Well, come one! You're just in time for dinner!"

Lafiete ate his dinner in silence and bliss, meanwhile, the Hogwarts Four were whispering.

"What Do we do? He's a muggle!"

"He'll tell everyone!"

"He's my guest, and that's that."

Over the next few weeks, The Hogwarts four tried various things with Lafiete.

Godric found that Lafiete was immune to any spell below an unforgivable curse.

Slazar discovered that Lafiete was able to mix potions almost better than any wizard.

Helga was surprised to learn that Lafiete had in fact, met French wizards on his journey, proving that the British were not alone.

Rowena discovered that Lafiete had a unique skill that let him never be noticed.

The Hogwarts four very much enjoyed Lafiete, and the day before he left he said, "Thank you all, I shall repay my kindness before I die."

The next day, 10 students were found dead.

From that day onward, The Hogwarts Four locked away all mentions of Lafiete, his tapping, his ability to disappear, spell immunity, everything. But sometimes, when you listen closely, you'll hear his footsteps.

Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!Tap!

_Lafiete was actually a real person. Lafiete was a former policeman in France, who was exiled permanently from France when he had been revealed to beat prisoners to death with his cane. Lafiete was also said to disappear and not be heard, despite his ery noisy shoes. In this version, Lfiete is portrayed as a mentally unwell man._

_Next: Antonio Salieri_


	5. Antonio Salieri

_Tow rieviews by the same person, anyone else who's reading this must review, or else I'll make you watch Full House reruns! Muahahahaha!_

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 5: Antonio Salieri**

Godric Gryffindor stormed out of the conference room. It was Salazar's birthday, and he had a

wish that Godric did NOT approve of. Salazar was rather fond of Muggle-made music, and wanted a CONCERT, of all things, played on his birthday! Now, After the Lafiete incident, Godric swore that as long as he lived, not one Muggle would find himself inside this school.

He heard Rowena coming after him. "Godric," she said. "It's Salazar's BIRTHDAY! It's only fair! Not all Muggles are like Lafiete!"

"I don't care! I don't want them here! 10 students died the last time! I don't want it to happen again!"

Rowena wrapped her arms around him. "Godric, just for Salazar, he IS your best friend." Godric winced, than sighed. "FINE."

There were three pianists coming to Hogwarts. Ludwig Van Beethoven, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Antonio Salieri. Of the three, Salieri was Salzar's favorite composer, and would be playing in person. The other two would be playing via Holo Spell.

After the first two performances. Salieri came to his piano. He started to play. Now, keep in mind Salieri is not BAD. He is average, but Beethoven and especially, Mozart, did so well he was awful in comparison. as he was playing, they started to complain, then they started to boo Salieri.

Antonio Slaieri was very happy when he started playing. Finally, a place that did not know of the accursed Mozart! Sure the "wizards" were having Mozart;s music come out from somewhere, but that didn't matter! Than the booing started, he still was doing fine. Than the jeers,

"This guy is horrible!"

"Get the first two back!"

"We want Mozart!"

He didn't know who said that, but when he heard it, he stopped. A cloak of silence muted the room, he stood up, and flipped the piano off the stage.

"YOU FOOLS!" Salieri yelled, louder than any voice "DO YOU KNOW MOZART? I KNOW MOZART! YOU DON'T WANT HIM! DID HE EVER WORK FOR HIS GOALS? DID HEEVER REALIZE THAT HE WAS SPECIAL? NO, HE DID NOT!MOZART IS PATHETIC! HE IS NO REVELATION! I AM THE REVELATION! HE IS NOTHING! HE MAY PLAY, BUT IT IS I WHO WORKS!

And with that, Salieri stormed out of the hall. Salazar ran after him, but he never was found. No one was ver happy that day.

The next day, Helga brought an unusual discovery up. "I did some research," she said. "A lot of people think Salieri is actually very good! Why did he get so mad?"

"Because." Salazar said. "Salieri knows he has little ability, he is gifted in the ability to recognize talent, but with little of his own. Salieri knows that he will always be the Patron Saint of Mediocrity."

_Antonio Salieri was also a real person, who was a composer of Austrian ancestry_**. **_He was gifted in finding talent, but had none of his own, as evidenced by his hatred of Mozart. His and Mozart's conflict was immortalized in "AMADEUS." he was played by F. Murray Abraham, who won a Best Actor for his performance. Which is unusual, both him and Mozart were nominated, but "the genius didn't win."_

**Next: The Specialist. **


	6. The Specialist

_Finally back on my feet._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle**

**Chapter 6: The Specialist.**

_December 12__th__, Hogwrats school, 1945._

The Specialist, as he was called, walked down the corridors of the strange school he had been requested to come to. The report said that there was a patient there that could not be moved and could not be treated by anyone.

That is, anyone _but him._

He sighed, brushing his wine colored hair out of his face, he wished Bianca, his assistant, was here. She would make this more bearable, at least if they got lost they could find an empty closet and...

He was jolted out of his day-dreaming by a hand shaking him. He turned around to see a woman who looked about 25 wearing a very stupid hat "Are you the doctor?" she asked. He smiled "No, I'm the replacement Librarian." The woman looked at him with annoyance. "Yes, I'm the doctor. I'm more of a Specialist, if I say so myself." Her looks softened. "I'll lead you to the patient." she said, still annoyed. "My Name is Minerva McGonagall, and the paitent's name is Alfred Green, mr..."

"Just call me 'Doctor.' Ms. McGonagall"

______________________________________________________________________________

"So this is the patient." The Specialist said as he looked at the boy lying on the bed. "Indeed." McGonagall. Alfred Green seemed to have no problems at all. In fact, this 5th year Griffyndor looked absolutley normal as he slept.

The Specialist gave Alfred a sedative, then grabbed his index finger. He pulled back the finger until....

SNAP!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" McGonagall yelled at The Specialist as he got out his tools. "The headmaster hired you to CURE the patient, not KILL him! The Specialist paid no attention to McGonagall "IT's just as I thought." he said, ignoring McGonagall. "He's suffering from _Glasicus Coreolis_, a disease in which your bones break with very little damage." He had in no time made a strange drink and pured it down Albert's throat. "That should do it." he said as he packed up his tools.

______________________________________________________________________________

As he left to go to the train that would take him home, he wrote down something on a scrap of paper. "In case anyone else catches that, here are the brewing instructions." and he walked off, merrily humming to himself.

McGonagall went down to Professor Zimmermann, the Potions professor, after a few minutes of silent reading, Zimmermann spoke up. "This is incredible! How on earth would someone know how to make this?" Mcgonagall remembered suddenly, "That was a muggle who made that potion!" she said, surprised. Zimmermann paled "If a muggle could create a cure to a disease we don't even KNOW about, what else could he do?"

McGonagall didn't know the answer to that question.

_The Specialist, as he is called. Is not from any sort of obscure NBC TV-Drama. In fact, The Specialist is the doctor from "Tommy." (Album version, not the movie.)_

_Next: Marcel Duchamp_


	7. Marcel Duchamp

1_I'm not dead. And neither Is this fic._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 7: Marcel Duchamp.**

Albus Dumbledore sighed over the paperwork he was reading. "Why did I choose him?" he muttered to himself. "It would have been so much easier if this whole thing never happened.

_Two days ago._

The Hogwarts 7th year class of 1916 entered their new class. "What do you suppose this class will be?" asked one Fredrick Potter. "Maybe Dippet finally got it through his head to let us learn Dark magic." Abraxis Malfoy muttured to his friend Icabod Black. Ichabod nasally laughed. "Ignore them." Kira Ward, (A friend of James.) Said "They'll never get very far."

As they took their seats, their teacher walked in. At first, it was hard to tell if it was boy ar a gril. He had a long flowing red coat, curly blone hair, and a rather strange violet hat. "Hello, little british ingrates." Their professor said cheerily. " I am Marcel Duchamp, and welcome to Art Class!"

Abraxas guffawed. "Art? That useless thing muggles use?" he asked. "Don't disrespect art, little ingrate." he said.

Duchamp went into a long explanation of art, ranging from the origins of Jan van Eyck to the modern works of Picasso. "And now," he said, showing them a object covered by cloth. "I will reveal the greatest artwork, as made by me. I give you... The Fountain!" Duchamp opened the cover to reveal....

A urinal.

Abraxas broke out into laugher. "You call a Bloody TOILET art? It's something you piss in! What's that supposed to do?" Duchamp turned to Abraxas. "Why. Mister Malfoy, if I didn't know better I would say that you DIDN'T LIKE ART."

"Of Course I don't!"

Duchamp said nothing. He merley took his artwork, heaved it over his headm walked over, and brought the urinal onto Abraxas' head.

The urinal shattered, practically exploding into many pieces. Abraxas slumped to the floor, unconsciousness. Duchamp grabbed two suitcases. "Tell your Professor Dumbledore that I shall mail him when I get back to FRANCE!" he said. He took a last look at Abraxas, and spat on him.

_End Flashback._

Albus sighed. "I just don't get it." he said. "How could a urinal be considered a 'masterpiece?' "

_Marcel Duchamp was also a real person, he was an artist-chess player who created very little art, but became immortalized for 'The Fountain' an actual urinal turned upside down. It was voted the most influential artwork of the 20__th__ entury by the art community. Marcel Duchamp died in 1961._

_Next: Daniel Plainview._


	8. Daniel Plainview

1_It seems I'm gaining a follwoing._

**Confessions Of A Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 8: Daniel Plainview.**

_1917._

Tom Marvelo Riddle, soon to be Voldermort, sat in the great hall with his guest. It was dead midnight, no one to bother them.

Tom's guest was rather unusual looking. He wore a blue suit and hat, a gold watch on his left arm, aand pale gray eyes. "This is a nice school you have here." he said. "Thank you, Mr. Plainview." Tom replied. _'Fool.' _he thought to himself.

"Now then, let's talk business." Mr. Plainview said. "You are willing to pay me, in gold, to drill under this school, no problem."

"Absolutley, Mr. Plainview, It's no problem,"

"Please, call me Daniel."

"Daniel, All I want is for you to demolish this school and drill under it for the oil."

Daniel paused, looking over the young boy, "How old are you, son?"

"17, sir."

"And already a businessman, your parents should be proud of you." Tom winced at that _'Ignorance, all the more reason to destroy this muggle.'_ Tom nodded, saying nothing. "Now, I have one question," he said. "Is this school still teaching students?"

"Yes sir."

"You want me to demolish it, tomorrow."

"Yes."

"The headmaster is OK with this."

"Yes."

Daniel looked at the boy, noticing that the boy was holding close to him a pocketwatch. "Nice watch you have there." he said. "Thank you, it belonged to my grandfather."

Daniel grabbed the watch from his hand. He put it on the floor, and stamped on it 2 or 4 times. "Don't lie to me boy." he said. Tom just started in shock _'How did he do that? That was A horcrux! He's a muggle! This breaks every law of magic in existence!' _Daniel made contact with Tom. "You're young boy. And you're green. You'll never be close to me. I built my fortune with my own tow hands, unlike you wizards."

Daniel walked out of the great hall, out of Hogwarts, forever.

_The Death Eater headquarters._

Voldemort woke up in a cold sweat, he had the nightmare agian. HE growled. "I'll find Daniel Plainview again, one day, and I will surpass him." he said.

_Daniel Plainview is the main character from the 2007 film 'There Will be Blood.'_

_Next: Murdoc Niccals  
_


	9. Murdoc Niccals

1_This is very late. Forgive me._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 9: Murdoc Niccals.**

TWAAAAAANNNNNNNG!

A long, deep bass note echoed through the halls. "What's making that sound!?" Ron yelled, covering his ears. "It's really annoying!" Hermonie nodded in agreement as another twang echoed through the halls. Harry acted diffrently. "Wow." he said as he heard it. "What a great sound!"

"Harry!" Hermoine said, shocked. "How can you stand that noise?" She asked. "When you grow up with a cousin with an AWFUL taste in music (Disney awful.) like mine, you learn to appreciate good music." Harry walked away, following the sound.

They eventually found the source of the twang. It was a man. He had olive green skin, a grey turtleneck and black pants. His eyes were different colored, one was grey, the other red. He had a Flying-V bass, adrk red. That he kept twanging while he fiddled with a necklas of... _an upside down cross?_

Harry walked over to him "Great sound, man." The man looked up at him. "Well now, this ere's a boy who knows his tunes. Murdoc Faust Niccals, me boy. Nice te meet ya."

Hermoine's eyes widened. She pulled ron next to her. "That's not his real middle name." she whispered. "How'd you know that?" he whispered back. "Because! If your middle name is Faust, you've signed a deal with the devil! We have to get Harry away from him!"

If Harry could hear them, he wasn't listening. Murdoc had handed him a guitar and they had started to play along, they actually didn't sound that awful, Harry in particular sounded GREAT. "You play a mean guitar, boy." Murdoc said. "Ow's about you be in my band? You n' me'd be the first one's init!" Harry smiled. "Thanks, but I'm still in school, I'll remember you though, Murdoc."

Murdoc sat up, slinging his base on his back. "Right then, time t'a do wot I came ere for." Murdoc drew a pentagram on the ground and spat right in the center of it. Just then, a horde of demon imps opened out from under the floor and started to run through the halls.

"What kind of Magic is this?" Hermoine yelled as she cast stunning spells on the imps. Murdoc grinned, his serpentine tongue licking his teeth. "Demon summon, not magic at all. Merry Christmas Wizards! See you in hell!"

And Murdoc dashed out of the school, summoning imps, until he got to the edge, hjopped in his Winnebago, and drove back to Sussex.

Free At Last.

_Murdoc Niccals is the Bass player for alternative rock/hip-hop band Gorillaz. He did sell his sould to the devil, and has shown some knowledge of stanic summonings. It's hard to tell if he's actually a real person or not._

_Next: Cassidy._

_I need some female dangerous muggles, any suggestions?_


	10. Cassidy

1_Chapter 11 is going to be absolutely insane, so enjoy this bit of normalcy while you can._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 10: Cassidy.**

Proinsias Cassidy walked through the halls of the strange school he had found. He really needed to find an exit. HE had to get to America, start over, make sure no one knew his real fate. Who would want to know that young Proinsias Cassidy had gone from the beloved young boy...

Into an abomination, a vampire? (No one he could think of, that's for sure.)

He walked through the school observing the young students. He licked his lips. He knew that he didn't know EXACTLY what all of his powers were, but he could sense how tasty thier blood was. He could survive off rare steaks, but he had little patience for such small amounts. He had heard a group of wankers had started drinking animal blood somewhere on the west coast. He also heard that they claimed to be "vampires." and didn't burst into flame from the sun. If he ever met one of them, he'd rip the wankers' throat out.

He froze, something felt out of place. Intrigued, he followed his instincts. He wandered throughout the halls, until...

"So the headmaster suspects nothing, Ichabod?"

"Yes, Grimewald, he has no idea of our plans."

"You have been a loyal follower, Ichabod."

"Thank you, my lord."

Cassidy furrowed his brow. That did not sound good. Time to punish the little scum.

Ichabod Black walked out of the empty room, smug. Soon, the headmaster would be dead, and everyone at his beck and call, all he needed to do was find a way into the headmaster's chamber. He bumped into someone. He looked up to see a tall Irishman looking down on him "Hello, Wanker." he said licking his lips. Ichabod caught the glare of fangs. "No! Please.... NOOOO!"

CHOMP!

______________________________________________________________________________

Cassidy walked out of the castle. They'd find the body in the morning, he had hung it up in the dining hall. He looked at the stars.

"To America!" He said, and he walked into the forest.

_Cassidy is the alcoholic vampire form Preacher, I portrayed him in the early days when he first became a vampire. _

_Still need female dangerous muggles._

_In my mind, Cassidy killed off most of the 'Twilight' vampires. _

_Next: Johnny C._


	11. Johnny C

1_Ladies and Gentlemen, the most insane chapter in the history of Harry Potter fanfiction. And so it begins._

**Confessions of a Dangerous Muggle.**

**Chapter 11: Johnny C.**

_The final battle, Hogwarts._

The battle of the Hogwarts students, the Ministry of Magic vs the Death eaters had been going well under way. Voldemort had been observing the battle, resting under the tree. He noticed that a VERY skinny young man walking in front of him. Voldemort fired off a spell at him, nothing happened. In fact, he didn't even notice! _'Interesting.'_ Voldemort thought. The young man was walking towards Hogwarts. _"Very interesting." _

_Inside Hogwarts._

The young, thin man opened the doors "Hello?" he said, not really caring that there was a huge battle going on. "My name's Johnny, can anyone give me some directions?" No response. "Hello?"

A death eater was pushed in front of him. "Go away, muggle." he said. He readied his wand....

Only to be stabbed through the head by a machete, held by Johnny

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?" Johnny yelled. He slashed at the corpse, this brought him back, back to the days he needed to murder people to make sure the wall didn't break down and open the door to the demonic plane.

Johnny was on a role, slicing the Death Eaters up like a Thanksgiving Turkey. The wizards and other Death eaters that weren't getting chopped up stopped to watch. Voldemort entered, still following Johnny. "Very interesting." he said as Johnny stopped his murdering. Johnny took out a piece of plaster. "Oh shit." he said.

The piece of plaster fell out of his hands, an enormous tentacled mass shot out of it, Johnny started to grab some blood with some surgical tubing, while voldemort was being pulled by the tentacles to the plaster, no spell worked on it. Johnny poured a bucket filled with blood on it. Immediately, the tentacles disappeared, Johnny ran off, taking the plaster with him and throwing a pair of scissors into Voldemort's skull.

Everyone looked to see the young killer run off into the woods, 'What a sad boy.' they all thought.

Voldemort fired off a spell, and everything went back to normal.

_Johnny C. (Or 'Nny.)is the titular character of "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac." By Jhohen Vasquez. And yes, he actually is like this. Don't read it, you'll go crazt._

_Next: Kay._


End file.
